


wolves without teeth

by wynsolstice



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Aged-Up Yuri Plisetsky, Asexual Character, Asexual Relationship, Cross-Posted on Tumblr, Cuddling & Snuggling, Developing Relationship, M/M, Relationship Discussions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-13
Updated: 2017-06-13
Packaged: 2018-11-13 13:32:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11186151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wynsolstice/pseuds/wynsolstice
Summary: Does he not want to be with me?Everything about their relationship now was so much different from the casual friendliness they’d adopted before: the elbow bumps and secretive grins had all but disappeared, and it left Yuri reeling.What if I destroyed everything?If Yuuri wasn’t ready, or if he didn’t want to be romantically involved with him, couldn’t they still be friends?Could he bear to sink back into the haunting familiarity that left him craving more? Was it better than this distance?“Yuri, we need to talk.”/ yuriyuu canonverse fic where both of them are anxious and conflicted about the same thing and don't even realize it





	wolves without teeth

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Kiitsuo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kiitsuo/gifts).



> gifted to kiitsuo/yuriyuu for dealing with my raving headcanons and not running away screaming when i blasted ur messages with my absolute insanity. also for introducing me to the madness where i've met amazing people like jj and sumi who were lovely and helped me clean this mess of a fic up <3

_Not enough._

Yuri had felt for the entirety of his “relationship” with Yuuri like he wasn’t enough—like he wasn’t able to give the person who had stolen his heart everything he wanted.

They had only started dating recently, the result of a fumbled confession in the dark of their shared bedroom, on the eve of the Grand Prix, but aside from that—there wasn’t much else to speak of. Yuri felt like a teenager all over again, stuttering for words as he tried to confront his feelings like an adult. If it hadn’t been for the warm hand that reached out between their beds and held his after the disastrous confession, he would have probably died of embarrassment.

Since then, their relationship had been almost hesitant in nature, if there at all. Yuri felt bad admitting it, but there simply wasn’t much to speak of. Of course, they had to hide it from the press, but this was different, more extreme. He understood Yuuri’s shyness and that these kinds of things took time, but he swore at times Yuuri seemed almost afraid to engage in anything remotely affectionate with him.

Was he afraid of him? Afraid of touching him? Not knowing was one of the worst feelings in the world, and it plagued Yuri every day.

And of course, there was the same nagging worry at the back of his mind: _Did he know?_

Yuri hadn’t told many people he was asexual, mostly because there wasn’t really a need to but also because he feared what their reactions would be. He supposed it was a bit of an irrational fear, but he’d only ever told Otabek, and Mila had mostly assumed since he valiantly ignored his teammates’ suggestions and didn’t really fool around with anyone at the dorms. Still, the idea of Yuuri knowing, somehow—it left too many questions.

Did it bother Yuuri? Did he not want to start a relationship with somebody who wasn’t interested in sex all of the time?

As always, the fear of not being enough chewed at Yuri’s mind every waking hour. It left him lying awake in bed, long after Yuuri’s soft breathing grew deeper and only the sound of the hotel room air conditioner accompanied his frenzied thoughts.

_What are we?_

Come to think of it, Yuuri had never really responded to his confession— he had held his hand and played with his fingers until his heart stopped racing and he fell asleep. If it weren’t for the fleeting looks and rose-colored cheeks he caught when they made eye contact, Yuri would have feared he simply dreamed the exchange. Even so, this was somehow more stressful than knowing.

_Does he not want to be with me?_

Everything about their relationship now was so much different from the casual friendliness they’d adopted before: the elbow bumps and secretive grins had all but disappeared, and it left Yuri reeling. _What if I destroyed everything?_ If Yuuri wasn’t ready, or if he didn’t want to be romantically involved with him, couldn’t they still be friends?

Could he bear to sink back into the haunting familiarity that left him craving more? Was it better than this distance?

“Yuri, we need to talk.”

Yuuri spoke these words to him just as he was stepping out onto the rink to perform his free skate, in the few moments they were within hearing distance of each other. Yuri paused, reeling as he tried to process the words Yuuri had just thrown at him. If it hadn’t been for Yuuri’s hand grabbing his arm and anchoring him, he would have likely tripped on his way out.

 _He’s touching me,_ Yuri realized dimly, in public. _This is… new._

A gentle squeeze on his arm helped reduce some of the frenzied panic in his head, and he glanced up to see Yuuri giving him a reassuring smile. He wondered briefly if this was what it felt like to fall in love after you had already fallen before—like jumping off a cliff, only to realize the fall was much longer than anticipated.

“Not now,” Yuuri promised. His words were hushed even though not much could be heard over the loud cheers. “Later.”

The word echoed in his head a thousand times over, but the ice was waiting for him. Yuri forced himself to clear his head and rolled his shoulders back, like he was shrugging off all of the worries resting on them, and stepped onto the ice.

 _Later_.

\--

 _Later_ ended up being on the plane back to Russia, a silver medal heavy in his duffel, but not near as heavy as his heart—which rested in his chest like a leaden weight.

Yuuri avoided eye contact for the entire time preceding the flight, even when Yuri offered to put his duffel into the top compartment. He barely even glanced his direction, yet Yuri could feel the anxiety coming off of him in waves.

 _Later_ took its sweet time, waiting until the plane got dark and the lights were dimmed, the lively chatter dropping into a hushed murmur as people tried to get some sleep. Yuri felt his eyelids getting heavy, head nodding as he struggled to stay awake, but ultimately failed.

A gentle touch on his shoulder was all it took to bring him back, and he glanced over to see Yuuri facing him with a slightly troubled smile.

“Sorry to wake you,” Yuuri said as soon as Yuri pulled out his headphones. “You seem really tired. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize,” Yuri waved it off, the earlier panic starting to make a comeback as he tried desperately to play it cool. “What’s wrong?”

“I wanted to talk to you about something important,” Yuuri said, like it wasn’t already painfully obvious. “I had to make sure Viktor didn’t overhear, though.”

Right—Viktor didn’t know about them. Nobody did.

“Okay.” Yuri turned so he was facing Yuuri better, tucking his knees under him. “Hit me.”

Yuri was fighting hard to keep his calm facade in place. He wasn’t sure how much longer it would last, but he was determined to keep it up as long as he could.

“Well.” Yuuri hesitated, his fingers playing with his shirt nervously. “I wanted to talk about… us. It’s been awhile since, um… that night, and I wanted to see—“

“Where we stand,” Yuri finished at his hesitation, both relieved and panicked that the conversation he’d been dreading had come up.

“Yeah.” Yuuri seemed slightly relieved as well that they were on the same page, but it was short-lasted. His face scrunched up in thought. “I mean… if you want to be, um, a _thing_? Ugh, I don’t know how to phrase this.”

Seeing Yuuri get all confused and subsequently annoyed at himself was endearing. Yuri couldn’t help but crack a smile. Yuuri spotted it easily and groaned, further antagonized.

“I do want to be a _thing_ ,” Yuri assured him, grin widening at Yuuri’s embarrassment. “I mean, I did throw my feelings at you out of nowhere, so you know where I stand. But I want you to be… as much about this as me.”

“I am,” Yuuri said without hesitating. Some of the panic in Yuri’s chest lightened. “I just wanted to make sure your feelings were the same, you hadn’t changed your mind—“

“I’m pretty sure I like you,” Yuri blurted, before Yuuri blinked at him and he grew red. “I mean, I’ve been pining after you for years, and I’ve had plenty of time to change my mind but I haven’t—you know what, fuck it. What I’m trying and failing to say coherently is, yes, I’m sure.”

Yuuri let out a quiet sigh, relaxing. In the dim lighting, Yuri could see the relief written all over his face—he didn’t doubt Yuuri had been panicking just as much as him about where they stood. They were going to have to work on this communication in the future.

_In the future._

“I was worried,” Yuri said suddenly, catching Yuuri by surprise. He bit his tongue immediately afterwards, regretting speaking in the first place, but the words were already out. “I thought you were ignoring me, and I—we haven’t done much aside from holding hands, so I wasn’t sure… if I put you in an uncomfortable place or made you do something you didn’t want to do.”

Yuuri stared at him for a moment, biting his lip absently.

“Well,” Yuuri finally said, his voice quieter, “I can promise you one thing. I’m definitely not doing something I don’t want to do—I mean, if you still want us to date, um. I know I’ve been… less vocal about things than most people, but I care a lot about you.”

Yuri felt hope flutter in his chest, but he stamped it down. Yuuri still seemed conflicted, and Yuri could almost hear the _but_ hovering on the tip of Yuuri’s tongue.

“I want you to be happy, and being with you makes _me_ happy,” Yuuri continued. “I’m one hundred percent willing to enter a relationship with you, but… I’m afraid I won’t be what you want. Or what you need.”

_I’m afraid I won’t be enough._

Hadn’t he thought the same thing?

“What—“ Yuri felt his voice raising, both out of uncertainty and fear, and he struggled to keep his composure. “What I need?”

How could he _possibly_ think he wasn’t enough? Yuri felt his stomach twist, worried he’d somehow instilled some perfectionist complex on him.

Yuuri took a deep breath, eyes shutting for a moment as if he was trying to summon some kind of inner strength. Yuri felt like he was losing his grip on Yuuri inch by aching inch. He knew if Yuuri didn’t want to pursue a relationship with him, he would let him go, but it still hurt.

“I haven’t been totally honest with you, Yuri,” he started, opening his eyes and meeting Yuri’s. He looked a bit more sure of himself, if only minutely so. “I’m—I don’t want to get into a relationship with you without having you at least know the most basic facts. I don’t want you to regret it later.”

 _I’d never regret it_ —the words died in his throat, because they were far too cheesy. Yuuri looked like he was trying really hard to say something that wasn’t exactly easy to say, so he stayed quiet out of respect.

There was a beat of silence between them, and Yuri almost wanted to reach out to comfort him. Instead he twisted his fingers together to keep himself busy—it would have felt forced, with Yuuri’s hesitancy and his own nagging worries.

 _Stop trying to speak for him,_ he cajoled himself. _Let him open up on his own. There some things you have to do on your own—I just have to be there for him when he does open up._

Viktor would have told him to meet Yuuri where he was, and in a way, that’s what he was doing. Opening himself up and giving Yuuri a space to talk.

And he did.

“I’m asexual,” Yuuri finally said, all in one breath like he had to force it out. Of course, his brain caught up and he added, “I don’t mean that I’m not attracted to you— _I am_ , trust me—but not in an inherently… sexual way. I’ve experimented with, uh, sex a few times, but it hasn’t been something I engage in or something that interests me in the way that most others do.”

Thick, heavy, crushing relief swamped over Yuri all at once, rendering him mute. This whole time he had been fearing Yuuri wasn’t interested in him, that he had done something wrong, the age gap was too big or that Yuuri didn’t want to even be _near_ him. He feared that somehow, he had done something wrong and Yuuri was afraid to tell him.

But this wasn’t what he’d expected at all. Yuuri had thrown him a curveball, except the curveball had his fucking name on it.

“I understand if you’d rather not date me, if you want a more sexual relationship with somebody,” Yuuri added, cheeks growing red. “I can, um, _help_ if it makes you happy, but I’m also perfectly happy cuddling, or anything else non-sexual that you do in a relationship, um….”

Yuuri seemed at a total loss, and Yuri realized just how stupid he was acting. He was letting Yuuri fumble over himself without meeting him halfway, instead gaping like a fish. He swallowed past the lump in his throat, interrupting Yuuri’s rambles.

“I don’t—” Fuck, he was choking on his words, what had it been like for Yuuri to admit that? “I am, too. I mean… I’m ace, or gray ace, so I know what you mean. It’s okay, you don’t have to—I understand. Promise.”

Yuuri looked like he’d been slapped in the face. Yuri supposed he’d looked no different less than five seconds ago.

“I don’t expect anything out of you, Yuuri,” he said, finding the words came easier now he’d gotten it off his chest. “I’m perfectly happy with just being with you, as you, no holds barred. I—I love you as who you are, sexual or asexual, and I’m willing to do whatever makes you happy. It’s just an added bonus that I’m asexual as well, to a degree.”

Yuuri stared at him for a beat longer before abruptly turning his head to the side and hiding his face in the seat. For a moment Yuri was worried he’d said something wrong, but then he caught the smile curling at the edge of Yuuri’s lip and relaxed.

Yuuri mumbled something unintelligible into the cushion.

“What?” Yuri poked him, earning another incoherent mumble. “I can’t hear you when you’re hiding your cute face, stupid.”

Yuuri hesitated before letting out a long sigh. He turned his head abruptly and muttered, cheeks pink, “Only you can call people cute and stupid in one breath, Yurio.”

“You’re stupid cute,” Yuri corrected with a smirk, before reaching out on impulse and brushing away the hair that had fallen in Yuuri’s face. Two wide eyes met his and he hesitated. “Is this okay?”

“Yeah,” Yuuri breathed out, and Yuri was enraptured. It was funny how the dim lighting in the airplane managed to hit just right, making Yuuri’s eyes two dark shadows that glittered at him with silent invitation. Fuck his heart and its hummingbird wings. He needed to breathe before he passed out.

Yuri’s fingers still hovered near Yuuri’s face, drifting down to brush against his cheek and then down his jaw. He explored Yuuri’s face with hesitant wonder, like he would disappear as soon as he blinked.

“Okay?” Yuri asked again, half serious and half taunting. He swore left and right that Yuuri downright scowled at him.

“If you’re going to kiss me,” Yuuri said, his voice slightly hoarse, “you’d better not make me wait this long, or I’ll fall asleep.”

Yuri couldn’t ignore the way his heart fluttered in his chest at the suggestion. He distracted himself by letting his touch drift to the back of Yuuri’s neck, playing with his hair. Letting it grow out had been one of Yuuri’s best decisions, because he could tangle his fingers in the soft strands without trying.

“Why should I rush?” Yuri’s eyes glittered playfully, which earned a deeper scowl from Yuuri. His eyebrows were knitted together in concentration, but Yuri only found it endearing. “I want to remember this. The smell of your _shampoo_ —“

“It’s hotel shampoo, it doesn’t even have a smell,” Yuuri replied in exasperation, growing more and more agitated the longer Yuri made him wait. “Stop waxing poetic and f—“

Yuri leaned forward and stole the curse right off of Yuuri’s lips. He fought the urge to grin as Yuuri let out a voiceless fuck against his mouth in surprise, but the realization that he was _kissing Yuuri_ caught up and left him just as breathless.

It started tentative and slow, the softness of skin and mingled breaths caught between them as they familiarized themselves with each other. Yuri felt like he was sinking, a tingling sensation starting at the tips of his toes and working a searing path up his spine. Yuuri’s mouth slid against his as they settled on a comfortable rhythm, fitting together and parting hesitantly, neither willing to let go of the quiet place they had made for themselves.

Yuri was dimly aware of fingers curling in his shirt, but he was too preoccupied with the feeling of Yuuri breathing against his mouth in hot puffs and the press of his lips as he deepened the kiss to care. His head was spinning and it wasn’t until Yuuri finally pulled away that he realized a lack of oxygen might have had something to do with it.

Yuuri rested his head against his chest, still gripping his shirt tightly like he was afraid to let go. Yuri struggled to get back his breath just the same, though as subtly as possible so he didn’t jostle Yuuri too much. He felt a smile pulling at his kiss-swollen lips.

“So much for stamina, huh?”

It was a baseless tease, since Yuri was just as winded, but he regretted it the instant Yuuri snapped his head back up with a challenge in his eyes. Before Yuri could think about the repercussions of his statement Yuuri was kissing him again, but this time only with brief presses of the mouth and intermittent grins. It was a game; every time Yuuri pulled back, Yuri would chase his lips until they were both laughing breathlessly.

Eventually, Yuri curled into Yuuri’s chest, listening to the rapid flutter of his heartbeat. Somehow they’d managed to create a little bubble for themselves some thirty-thousand feet off the ground, and Yuri was reluctant to leave it.

“Mm.” Yuuri reached down to brush his fingers through Yuri’s hair thoughtfully. “I wonder how Viktor would react if he found out.”

“Viktor?” Yuri stole a glance over Yuuri’s shoulder and saw Viktor sleeping soundly, head lolled to the side at a seemingly painful angle. “I wouldn’t be surprised if he was faking sleep this whole time, just to eavesdrop.”

As if in response, Viktor let out a snore. Yuuri muffled a quiet laugh in Yuri’s hair, shoulders shaking from the effort of stifling it.

“Well, we might as well start with telling him,” Yuuri said off-handedly, once he’d finished choking on laughter. “I mean, he’s basically family, right? If he hasn’t already overheard.”

They both snuck a glance at Viktor, who continued to sleep.

Yuri let out a soft sigh as he sank back into the seat, letting Yuuri twist their fingers together and squeeze them a little. Yuri glanced up and saw him wearing a concerned expression.

“If you don’t want to advertise our relationship yet, though, that’s understandable.” Yuuri’s eyes were earnest as he pulled Yuri’s hands closer to his chest. “I only want to do what’s comfortable with you. With both of us.”

Yuri couldn’t suppress a relieved smile as he nodded, grateful that Yuuri was willing to work on the communication aspects of their newfound relationship as well. He was more than willing to move forward with what they were, but only if Yuuri was as well.

“I don’t mind telling Viktor that we’re… boyfriends,” Yuri assured him. “And maybe even a couple other rink mates and Yakov, so we don’t have to sneak around like lovestruck teenagers.”

“Agreed.” Yuuri paused, a light blush on his cheeks, before adding, “Even Georgi and Mila?”

“I think they’ve already made their deductions,” Yuri said with a cough, remembering the numerous texts he’d sent to Mila the night after he’d confessed in the first place. “Though… it’s probably better if we keep this from the media, for now. I don’t want to start a scandal or something in the middle of the season.”

“Oh, definitely.” Yuuri scooted closer to him until their hands were caught between their chests, catching the warmth radiating from their bodies. Yuuri glanced down at them and grinned. “I’m glad we got to talk about this.”

Yuri hummed in agreement, the stress of the past few weeks finally lifting off of his shoulders and leaving him exhausted. He adjusted himself so he was more comfortable, resting his head on Yuuri’s shoulder. Warm fingers carded through his hair softly.

“Are you sure you want to fall asleep like this here?”

Yuuri’s words were hushed, but Yuri could hear the implication loud and clear in them— _won’t we get caught?_ Yuri could already feel irritation scrabbling at his chest. He was starting to wish that the other passengers on the plane would just disappear and leave him and Yuuri alone.

“Five minutes,” Yuri muttered, speaking more to Yuuri’s collarbone than his face. “Five minutes and I’ll move back.”

Yuuri hummed and resumed running his fingers through Yuri’s hair, pulling it away from his face. The gesture was so calming that Yuri could feel his resolve slipping through his fingers with every stroke, until he finally let sleep have its way with him.

 _Five more minutes,_ he thought dimly. _Just five more minutes._

\--

Yuri woke up an hour later to the attendants telling everyone to prepare for landing, his face buried in the crook of Yuuri’s shoulder and an arm wrapped around his waist. When he stole a glance over Yuuri’s shoulder, he saw Viktor buried in a suspicious amount of blankets.

Viktor seemed to feel his stare and glanced over his shoulder. When they made eye contact, he winked emphatically and pulled the blankets higher to better shield them from view.

“You’d better wake him up,” Viktor said, sporting a barely-stifled grin.

Yuri had an overwhelming urge to both slap and hug Viktor, so instead he settled for giving him the middle finger. Even so, he _was_ grateful, and he made a mental note to thank Viktor with some piroshkis later.

Yuri glanced down at Yuuri’s sleeping face, which was both remarkably not beautiful and beautiful at the same time, and had to bite down on a smile. He shook Yuuri’s shoulder gently until two wide, sleepy brown eyes lifted to his.

“Oh,” Yuuri mumbled as he took in his surroundings, rubbing his eyes. “I fell asleep. Did anyone see us?”

“Just the one grinning like a shark who just had its dinner dropped in front of its face,” Yuri said, jutting his thumb at Viktor. “We probably owe him one, though, since he kept anyone else from snooping.”

Yuuri smiled just a little bit, which set Yuri off. He opened his mouth to ask him what the hell was making him pull such an odd expression, but was interrupted by Yuuri pressing a quick kiss to his lips. He froze mid-word, jaw still slightly slack.

“One for the road,” Yuuri explained as he pressed his finger to the crease in Yuri’s brows. “We probably won’t get another opportunity for another few hours.”

“How will I ever survive?” Yuri remarked snidely, though he was grinning like an idiot and Yuuri saw right through him. He earned himself another quick peck before they both reluctantly pulled away to start packing up their various devices.

Truthfully, the next few hours were going to be grueling—but the idea of going home and knowing he was able to call Yuuri his boyfriend was more than enough to keep him going.

**Author's Note:**

> fic is based off of personal conflict & internal thoughts so it may be different from what other people feel - that's the cool thing about being individual and unique, not everything is the same for everyone. please enjoy!! if you liked it, leave a comment, they make my entire month <3


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